The first time I saw When Parents Text, the hilarious website created by Sophia Fraioli and Lauren Kaelin, I reveled in their genius. I was also comforted; other parents were as hilarious as mine were! If my mother is not texting me to confirm I’ve made it home safe via Jersey Shore references, she’s sending me disjointed commentary on Boston sports teams, or better yet sending my die-hard, NY Yankees-loving husband disjointed commentary on Boston sports teams (but mostly also confirming with him that I’ve made it home safely). Her front-facing keyboard, I also recently found out, doesn’t have any punctuation keys on it. Which… let’s just say… explains a lot.

In anticipation of the launch of Sophia and Lauren’s book and in celebration of the launch of their new When Parents Text blog, we collected some of our own gems from around the office. Here’s a small peek into the incoming texts of Workman employees, who have no trouble at all exploiting our parents for sentimental or comical purposes. All names have been omitted to protect the embarrassed.

EVERYBODY WANTS A BOOK DEAL

MOM: Mr. B says you should write a book about him.

(Sent on Father’s Day)
MOM: I forgot to tell you that on Friday Mr. B left Dad a mouse head and a mouse tail in the garage!

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BIEBER FEVER
MOM: where are you sitting? what color do you have on?
ME: Gray hoodie, light blue sweater. Chris is in brown hoodie.
MOM: so basically i should look for justin bieber look-alikes

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OUT OF THE WILL
ME: Would it be too embarrassing if I submitted some of your texts to be published in a blog post tomorrow? It’s for the launch of the When Parents Text blog….
MOM: o-k, I guess…I can always dis-inherit you later. HAHA

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BLESSED BE THY HYGIENIST
MOM: Are you going home now? Are you going to clean? Cook? Read?
ME: I am home… Must clean. And try to make food for the week. Pls send good cleaning vibes.
MOM: Ok I will. I will also pray to God that you will go online and make a dental appointment!

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SOBER
ME: I love you!
MOM: sorry. sleeping. drunk or you miss me?
ME: I’m not drunk at all!
MOM: oh sorry. but its nice to be appreciated

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NO SUCH THING AS FREE LUNCH
ME: We’re leaving for Chipotle in 6 minutes.
DAD: Rad. On subway
DAD: Meet you when y’all finished with your burritos
DAD: Why aren’t credit services for everyone
DAD: Craft
ME: Craft?
DAD: Movie set. Food looked good. Not free for everyone

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COOLDOM
MOM: A friend is showing me how to send text messages.
ME: Whoa, this is weird…! It’s like hearing from your mom while you’re on a date!
MOM: Are u???
ME: And now you’re even using “u” for “you”? Mom, that’s cooldom!

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ARE YOU SURE HE’S NOT THERE?
MOM: Is chris still away
ME: Yep. Comes back tomorrow around 4.
MOM: Did you look all around apartment

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IS THIS HIPSTER?
MOM: we love you
MOM: Charlie & Luna [family dogs] love u 2. We are driving through Amherst now
MOM: Now we r almost at rte2. Maybe I am a texter. Is that kind of like a hipster?
ME: Ha, not at all
MOM: this is so exciting to get a text! Right now Charlie just stole a chew of luna’s so I had to give her another one!

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PLEASE CONFIRM RECEIPT
DAD: Are you alive
ME: Yes!! Why wouldn’t I be?
DAD: You never answe my text yesterdays

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TESTING 1, 2…
DAD:
ME: ????
DAD:
ME: You’re not sending anything.
DAD:
ME: Hold on, I’ll call you.

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NEVER FALL IN LOVE AT THE SHORE
MOM: are you at the shore yet?
ME: No, why? Do you have a message for J Woww?
MOM: i thought you were going there tonight snookers!
ME: Hahaha, we are, but later.
MOM: ok honey dont smoosh with any of your roommates
(Editor’s note: this conversation took place one month before my second wedding anniversary.)

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GREAT NEWS
MOM: I got a parking spot!

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REBUKED
MOM: Are u coming for dinner tonite? On my way home from garage & will pick up a foodie if so
MOM: Meant to say a Goldie!
MOM: Geez, a GOODIE, this device has a mind of its own & needs to be rebuked

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DAD WENT GOLFING, SO…
MOM: Omg got to stop watching rachel zoe just bought a sleeveless black dress nowhere to wear it      its bananas
ME: Hahahaha, I love you! Best text message ever!
MOM: Thanks honey i only paid 51 down from 109 with coupon!
ME: Amazing! Is this a midlife fashion crisis?
MOM: Yes and dad went golfing

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Special guest blog post from Steven Petrow, author of Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners

If you and your partner are planning to make a beeline to get married in City Hall now that New York has become the sixth state to allow same-sex marriage, you’ll likely find that your first thoughts after deciding to get hitched center on logistics, which is to say wedding etiquette. You’ll realize that you’re now entering unmapped territory for gays and lesbians, since many of the “rules” for same-sex weddings have yet to be determined.

Not surprisingly, there are gay couples who find that old-school wedding traditions serve them remarkably well in their ceremonies and celebrations: formal invitations, engagement parties, gift registries, and frothy white dresses alongside well-tailored black tuxedos. (“We’ll take two, please!)

For many in our community, a very strong spirit of invention is at play as we create new roles and rites, not only for ourselves, but for all those in attendance. The good news is that it’s up to you and your sweetheart—or  fiancé(e), if you prefer—to make these choices, which will no doubt become the foundation of LGBT wedding traditions to come.

With that in mind, here are just a few things we all need to know about same-sex weddings. (After all, if you’re straight, your invitation may soon be on its way.)

Q: Do gay people get engaged?

A: Yes; some of us even get down on bended knee, present a ring, and ask “Will you marry me?” That is, of course, after finding a gay-friendly jeweler who doesn’t keep asking about your opposite-sex fiancé.

Q: What do we call each other?

A: It’s easy for a married straight couple—husband, wife, and spouse cover all the options. Not so easy—or fast—for committed gay couples, who may use partner, spouse, significant other, lover, and (now) husband or wife. Use what feels right—just be sure to let others know how to refer to you.

Q: Where do we sign up?

A: Like every other couple of New York State, you must apply for a marriage license to any town or city clerk, pay your $40, and wait 24 hours. It’s that easy—finally.

Should bride and bride both wear white? And which one gets to walk down the aisle?! Who should pay, and how should we word the invitation?

Join Steven Petrow for a TweetChat Q&A Thursday, 6/30 at 2 p.m.!  He’ll be answering even more wedding questions and addressing everyday LGBT etiquette issues. To participate:

1. Join Twitter (if you haven’t already)
2. Follow @gaymanners and @WorkmanPub
3. Post your questions (140 characters or less) and include the hashtag, #gaymanners
4. If you like, use Tweet Chat, a site that simplifies by feeding you only tweets from this chat

See you there!

Having let any plans for the 4^th of July fall by the wayside, my friends and I will likely be heading out to a restaurant this Monday night. But don’t you worry, we’ll still be getting in a good American-sized dose of barbecue. Much to the amusement of my fellow editorial assistants, I will be chowing down at Blue Smoke, my favorite (although considerably out of my budget) barbecue joint here in New York City.

While the menu at Blue Smoke is to die for (insert slaughter house joke here), the salt & pepper beef ribs are by far the most mouth watering item on the menu. For those lucky enough to have a grill themselves, check out the recipe below. It’s just one of the 425 recipes available in Steven Raichlen’s BBQ USA.

Salt & Pepper Beef Ribs

It takes a master to dare to put a dish of such startling simplicity on a menu. Or several masters in this case: Manhattan restaurateurs Danny Meyer, Michael Romano, and David Swinghamer, who redefined barbecue for New Yorkers with their much talked about barbecue emporium, Blue Smoke. Pork ribs are the house specialty, crusty, smoky baby backs cooked in the style of Danny Meyer’s native St. Louis. But Blue Smoke also serves beef ribs, and if you’ve never had these dark, meaty, Brobdingnagian bones, you’re about to have a life-changing experience. The boys keep the seasonings simple, just coarse salt and cracked black peppercorns. That way you get to appreciate the beef in all its smoky glory.

Method:

Indirect grilling

Ingredients:

1 rack of beef ribs

(2 ½ to 3 ½ pounds)

Coarse salt (kosher or sea)

Cracked or coarsely ground black pepper

Your choice of barbecue sauce, for serving

You’ll also need:

3 cups wood chips or chunks

(preferably apple or hickory), soaked for 1 hour in water to cover, then drain

1. Very generously season the beef ribs on both sides with salt and pepper.
2. Set up the grill for indirect grilling and preheat to medium low. If using a gas grill, place all of he wood chips or chunks in the smoker box or a smoker pouch and run the grill on high until you see smoke, then reduce the heat to medium-low. If using a charcoal grill, place a large drip pan in the center, preheat the grill to medium-low, then toss 1 ½ cups of wood chips or chunks on the coals.
3. When ready to grill, place the seasoned ribs in the center of the hot grate, meat side up, over the drip pan and away from the heat. Cover the grill and cook the ribs until dark brown (almost black), very crisp on the outside, and tender enough to pull apart with your fingers, 2 to 2 ½ hours. If using a charcoal grill, every hour you’ll need to add 12 fresh coals and ¾ cup of wood chips or chunks to each side.
4. Transfer the grilled ribs to a cutting board and cut the rack into individual ribs. Serve with your favorite barbecue sauce on the side.

Yield:

Serves 2 or 3

With the long 4^th of July weekend quickly approaching it’s time to plan our holiday barbeques and picnics! After my fiasco of an Independence Day barbeque last year, where everyone showed up with a bag of chips and my grill lost a leg, I admit to dreading this year’s July 4th. Last year I winged it. This year, I had planned on staying in and sulking (just a little) until I recently discovered a foolproof (or me-proof) answer to last year’s holiday disaster: Celebrate! by Sheila Lukins.

With knockout recipes in line with Lukins’ Silver Palate Cookbook, Celebrate! offers 46 menus for entertaining on special occasions, be it a Kentucky Derby-inspired buffet or a Labor Day picnic. As an added bonus, Lukins suggests extra touches to make an event even more special, including music selections, wine recommendations, and decoration tips.

This year, I’m ready to conquer this holiday armed with Lukins’ “Bang-Up Fourth of July” menu, which includes recipes for Glorious Gazpacho, Dazzling Grilled Veal Chops, Outrageous Lobster Salad Rolls, A Decorative Cucumber Salad, Garden Squash Salad, Fresh Peach Cobbler, and Buttermilk Ice Cream.

I’m especially excited about the Garden Squash Salad below, since there is an amazing farmer’s market close to my apartment!

Garden Squash Salad

Summer squash, both zucchini and yellow, are crisp and delicious when served raw and very thinly sliced in a salad. Dressed with plenty of lemon juice and Parmesan cheese (look for the finest Parmigiano-Reggiano), it matches up well with peppery arugula and some fine ripe tomatoes.

4 small zucchini, ends trimmed

4 small yellow squash, ends trimmed

½ cup fresh lemon juice

¼ cup extra-virgin live oil

Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

8 ounces Parmesan cheese, shaved or cut into thin slivers

2 large bunches arugula (12 ounces total), stems trimmed, leaves washed and patted dry

2 large ripe tomatoes, cored

¼ cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

1. Cut the zucchini and squash into very thin slices on the diagonal and place them in a bowl.
2. Whisk the lemon juice, olive oil, and salt and pepper together in a small and toss with the squash. Let the squash rest for 10 to 15 minutes. Then add the cheese.
3. Place the arugula in a salad bowl. Cut the tomatoes in half lengthwise, and then into very thin wedges, and scatter them over the greens.
4. Just before serving, spoon the squash and dressing over the arugula and tomatoes. Sprinkle with parsley and season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve immediately, tossing the salad at the table.

For the full menu, including this Garden Squash Salad from Sheila Lukins’ “Bang-Up Fourth of July” menu, see the excerpt below, via Scribd:

Celebrate Pp132 137

Okay, it’s officially summer, and the livin’ is easy: We’re spending our first weekends at the beach, lazy afternoons in the park, maybe the sprinkler’s on in the backyard–and ooh–playtime! I grew up with lots of siblings who like to play games and have been fortunate to continue to grow up around lots of little ones who also like to play. Here are three no-fail outdoor games for every age from Bobbi Conner’s Unplugged Play: No batteries. No plugs. Pure fun.

Toddlers (age 1-2):

Water Painter (page 72 , in case you happen to be following along in your books) is an activity that’s simple to set up and even easier to clean up. Gather together some small plastic buckets (and a paint tray if you have one), fill them about 2 inches with water, and gather up paint brushes and rollers. Bathing suits optional!

Toddlers love to “paint” the deck, sidewalk, patio, railings, or deck furniture. And they’re very persistent–even when the designs evaporate quickly in the sun. The no-fail element is that this one works wherever there’s a relatively smooth outdoor surface to paint on–whether they’re painting the paved suburban sidewalk or the steps of a city brownstone.

Preschoolers (age 3-5):

Bucket-Head (page 195) requires a little bit of setup, but it’s worth it. Once you have the “bucket head,” the game is pretty irresistible, even for the adults with a silly side (yes, I’ve been known to not only play, but excel at Bucket-Head from time to time). For each bucket head, you need a plastic headband, some sticky Velcro tabs, and a clean 8-oz plastic container (like a Cool Whip tub). Remove the lid from the container and attach a few Velcro tabs in a line on the outside bottom. Then stick the corresponding tabs along the top of the headband. Attach the container to the headband, put on the headband–congratulations, you’re a bucket head! Gather up some small sponge or Nerf balls, or ping-pong balls, and start playing. To avoid getting hit in the face, the bucket head can turn with his or her back to the tosser, but the idea is to get the ball into the bucket. Fair warning: once the bucket heads are on, there’s no telling what new game might be invented. Can you scoop the ball off the grass with your bucket head? Can you toss the ball from your bucket head? No-fail because who doesn’t love a Bucket-Head?!

Gradeschoolers (6-10):

Beanbag Target Toss (page 271) is a combination of two classics: Beanbag Toss and Darts. Grab some sidewalk chalk and draw a circular target split into pie pieces with a bull’s eye in the middle. Assign each section a number of points and draw a “pitching line” several feet away. If there’s a group, simply take turns to see who can score 50 points first. Or, if your kid wants to go solo, add a timer–see if he or she can reach a score of 50 before the buzzer sounds! No-fail because it’s competitive and they get to add (see, you can still brush up on your math skillz even when school’s out for summer!).

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And lest we leave anyone out, here’s a suggestion for the older set (kids at heart and all that–or those who want to mix some cocktails with their play)–check out The Games Bible by Leigh Anderson (I’m especially partial to “Get Down, Mr. President!” on page 310). No-fail element: the tackle. Need I say more?

Q & A with Sophie Blackall, author of MISSED CONNECTIONS: Love, Lost & Found

Q: How do you choose which Missed Connections listings to illustrate?
A: I glean Missed Connections a few times a week, and it’s all about the subject line. I look for the lyrical, “Billowy Red Scarf Girl,” or the funny, “Hipster Chick Who Passed Gas” (pages 54–55), the unintentionally funny, “Looking for the Hot Girl in the Pink Dress,” ones that immediately suggest images, “Furry Arms in Morning Lecture” (pages 74–75), or the plain odd, “Seeking Girl Who Bit Me TWICE” (pages 112–113). I look for ambiguous messages to illustrate. I like some detail but not too much detail. I dismiss posts where one or other of the couple was wearing anything named by brand, or, you know, baseball caps or sweat pants, because I don’t like drawing them. On the other hand, I’m drawn to top hats, and spats, and moustaches. I haven’t read a Missed Connection yet with someone wearing a monocle but, rest assured, I’ll snap it up if I do.

After I’ve harvested a bunch of messages, I let them settle and see which images float to the surface. By the time I sit down to draw, the picture is almost fully formed in my head. The original messages seem, for the most part, brief and spontaneous and uninhibited and I want my drawings to mirror that…they shouldn’t feel labored.

Q: Have you ever been in touch with any of the people you have painted?
A: Yes! A couple of times. The woman with “Long Curly Brown Hair on the Q” (pages 24–25) saw my illustration and wrote to me, as did the “Floral Print Jacket on the L” (pages 36–37). The fellow who wrote the post about sharing a bear suit with a girl at a party (pages 20–21) e-mailed me, which was kind of thrilling. He sent a photo taken that night, and that was a dreamlike experience. But even though I’ve now seen the “real” bear suit, my image of it feels real to me, and his photo the interpretation. There’s arrogance for you!

Many people wrote claiming the girl with the “Scrabble Tattoo on Roof” (pages 96–97) was their dear friend and, fairly recently, one of those friends reconstructed and photographed the scene, based on my version of it, which was incredibly surreal.

This scene was also reconstructed in a Radar short film about my project.

So now there are four versions of this moment in time in existence: the real one, my painting, the film made with actors, and the photograph based on the painting with the real people from the original event. It’s hard to wrap my head around.

Q: Based on your observations, what type of people do you think post Missed Connections ads?
A: I haven’t done a scientific analysis of this by any means, but Missed Connections are popular with straight and gay men and women, mostly between 20 and 35. Men posting Missed Connections seem to outnumber women posting, roughly 70 to 30. Occasionally, older people post, often looking for old flames and lost loves. Most messages express the writer’s personal regret at not being bolder and for missing an opportunity. They’re written as a shot in the dark, a small missive filled with hope for a second chance. But many messages are just thanking a stranger for a kindness…I love those because I imagine everyone else reading them feels encouraged by these little examples of humanity and generosity and tenderness. There are also more than a few messages from lonely people wondering why they never find themselves described—I illustrated one, “How Come No-one Ever ‘Misses’ Me?” (pages 66–67). They kill me, those.

Q: Which illustrations in this book are your favorites and which, from your blog, do people seem to respond to the most?
A: “We Shared a Bear Suit” (pages 20–21) is a perennial favorite as is “Girl with the Golden Swan Bike” (pages 86–87) and “When I Put Your Coat Collar Up” (pages 114–115). There’s something especially romantic about that last one, but I think my all-time favorite is “We Shared a Bear Suit.” The two people in the image each have part of the bear; each is incomplete. They clearly belong together.

Q: Where do most Missed Connections seem to occur?
A: Missed Connections take place on street corners and elevators, in emergency rooms and dog runs, in line at the grocery store and at Laundromats. Basically everywhere human beings collide, but especially in places where we are forced to stay still a while. Waiting rooms and airport lounges and every form of public transport.

In New York City there are hundreds and hundreds of Missed Connections posted every day, and thousands more that go undocumented. A good many of these seem to happen on the subway, and a disproportionate number of those on the L train. Or perhaps the L train riders are just more likely to post and read Missed Connections. I once read a message which said, “I am going to change to the L train so I can have a Missed Connection too.”

Q: Missed Connections classifieds are abundant and widely followed, even by those who do not post them. Why do you think they are so popular?
A: Missed Connections are small glimpses into strangers’ lives. They are packed with mystery, pathos, beauty, and humor. I know it’s not a New York phenomenon, but somehow it seems the perfect product of this city— people seeking intimacy in a crowd. Sitting on the subway, I’m always wondering what’s going on inside people’s heads, and Missed Connections posts give me the opportunity to find out. There’s more than a little voyeurism going on. I’m sure other people are drawn to them for the same reasons, but I think on some subliminal level there’s a vague desire to recognize ourselves as the person “missed.” It’s nice to know that people are looking at each other so attentively and even tenderly, noticing and appreciating details. That we’re not just a swarm. I think most people find Missed Connections enormously hopeful and romantic.

Q: You moved to Brooklyn, New York, from Australia in 2000. Do you find that the popularity of Missed Connections classifieds and, perhaps, the accompanying cultural fixation with love at first sight is mostly an American thing or have you seen traces of it internationally?
A: I think it’s universal. There are Missed Connections equivalents in London newspapers and I have given interviews on the subject for Italian, Norwegian, Swedish, Brazilian, and Israeli magazines and newspapers, which would suggest the theme has global interest! And of course, the Missed Connection itself is not new. For centuries the lovelorn have carved messages in tree trunks and rolled letters into bottles and cast them out to sea.

Q: What has the experience of illustrating Missed Connections classifieds, and creating this book, taught you about the nature of love?
A: Love at first sight is almost entirely visual. In most cases we don’t even hear the other’s voice. I think there’s a lot to be said for this. We can fill in the blanks and create our own particular knight in shining armor. I’m not an idiot: In the long run, knowing someone intimately and caring for them deeply leaves love at first sight for dead. Clichéd as it is, it’s a wonderful thing to have someone you love bring you a cup of tea when you have a cold, or curl up with you to watch a film on a rainy night, or turn on the oven while you knead the dough. Some of us find that person early on; for the rest of us there’s the hope of a second chance. And that hope can linger a long, long time.

We have only one life, and we rush through it pretty quickly. We make choices and follow paths and we don’t linger too long at crossroads. Moments of intimacy with strangers are minor detours we rarely explore, but those moments make us feel alive, and human, and part of something greater than ourselves. They connect us to each other.

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MISSED CONNECTIONS: Love Lost & Found
October 2011
$13.95
Paperback Original

CONTACT:
Rebecca Carlisle, Senior Publicist
Workman Publishing
(212) 614-7596
rebecca@workman.com

When plans to escape the city fell through on a sunny Saturday, my friends and I did what any backyard-deficient New Yorker would do and headed to Central Park. Packed in our bags were the essential staples of a summer afternoon—a frisbee; a baseball and gloves; salads of the egg, fruit, and potato variety—and the bible of the season, Suzanne Brown’s Summer: A User’s Guide, a book packed with tips for making the most of a warm afternoon.

Like Ms. Brown, I am madly in love with summer—the smell of Coppertone is enough to get my heart racing—so in honor of the first day of the season, I bring you one of her tips for living life to the fullest in the upcoming months:

How to Play Beach Volleyball

Scout out a quiet place away from the water and sunbathers, then draw lines in the sand that measure approximately 30 feet wide by 60 feet long.

The serving player must hit the ball over the net and inside the court lines within three attempts. If the server fails to successfully place the ball within three serves, the opposing team gains control.

Players rotate positions clockwise whenever their team gains control of the ball (Thus, each team has a new server at that time.)

Once the ball is hit over the net to the opposing team, a player cannot contact the   ball twice in a row unless the first touch is off a block at the net. A player cannot grab the ball, allow it to come to rest in his hand, or touch the net. If he does so, he forfeits the ball to the opposing team.

A point is earned when the serving team wins a rally, or an ace is served.

The first team to reach 15 points wins. A match is played in sets of three or five games.

* * *

This summer (which officially starts TODAY!), before you head off to your beach bungalow, pack a picnic for the park, or spend a day in the shade, pick up Summer: A User’s Guide and make the best of this short and sweet season.

In What’s Eating Your Child?, author Kelly Dorfman teaches parents to become Sherlock Holmeses of the food pyramid food plate. (I guess we should start to phase out “food pyramid” since the USDA updated its guidelines.) Dorfman writes about the unexpected connections between what children eat and their behavior: turns out the wrong food can cause anxiety, hyperactivity, infections, and more.

The minute she gets a new case, Dorfman starts to look for clues, and parents can too–starting with these seven essential questions:

1. What are the facts?
2. Which symptoms worry you the most?
3. When did the symptoms start?
4. Do the symptoms come and go? Have they changed over time?
5. What else was going on in your child’s life when the symptoms started?
6. What was your child’s diet when the symptoms started?
7. Was your child on any medications? When did they start and stop?

Answering these questions can help you crack the case: Colonel Mustard, in the library, with the candlestick! Or, more likely, Sally, with the gluten, in her pizza!

Kelly Dorfman recently appeared on CNN’s American Morning to discuss the book.

Father’s Day is this weekend, and to celebrate, we here at Workman looked in Stuart Hample’s book Me and My Dad for inspiration, then shared what makes our own dads so special. Below, some of the many reasons we love our fathers. Feel free to tell us what makes your dad great in the comments!

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“My dad is the best dad because he flew across the country to help me move from a three-story walk-up to a three-story walk-up.  Twice!” —Sara

“His accent is completely inimitable. Seriously, no one has ever successfully aped it. My brother claims a friend of his can, but I won’t believe it ’til I hear it.” —Savannah

“My dad’s the best dad because he’s 97 and he still lights up when I walk into a room.” —Suzie

“My dad is the best dad because when I was five years old, he cut down a seven iron and a putter to match my height (or lack thereof) and gave me a lifelong love for the game of golf. He came to every single tournament I had, even the ones in mid-summer when it was 105° in the shade. And he taught me how to make eggs.” —Liz

“When my dad took me to see The Bangles for my eighth birthday, he let me put hot-pink glitter gel in my hair and stood me up on my seat so I had a better view of the stage—but he also made me wear earplugs. I can’t think of a more perfect metaphor for the way he’s raised me. He’s exposed me to fun new experiences, encouraged me to be who I want to be, and taught me an immeasurable amount about the world. But at the end of the day, he’s protective and level-headed and mainly concerned for my aural health.” —Melody

“My dad was the best because he could wiggle his ears.” —Carolan

“I love my dad because when I was little he could find anything I ever lost (‘if it was any closer it would have bitten you!’), he told the most wonderful and convincing stories, and he made me feel very special for being left handed. Although I was never interested in playing baseball, it was great to know that I’d be valued for my extra step to first base.” —Mary Ellen

“It might be the selflessness of late-night pick-ups at Amtrak stations, the practical career and negotiating advice well into my adulthood, or that the first time I was really sick after I moved to New York City after college, he offered to drive the four hours from Massachusetts to pick up my prescription so I wouldn’t have to walk four blocks. It might also be that every time he gets a camera in his hands, he tells you to ‘back up’ until you make contact with the fence, sweaty stranger, tree, or zoo animal that is inevitably behind you. Or how he told me there were vitamins in cherry stems when I was six years old and didn’t remember he’d done that when he saw me sucking one dry in high school and asked what I could possibly be doing. And he’s going to take the latter half of this as the bigger compliment.” —Marissa

—Avery, who loves her dad because he changed the words in the bedtime song “You Are My Sunshine” from “Please don’t take my sunshine away” to the decidedly less creepy “So let’s go downstairs and play.”

Welcome to another installment of Inside the Author’s Studio, where we give you a peek into the minds and studios of your favorite Workman authors.

Today, in anticipation of the release of Green Lantern: The Movie tomorrow (or tonight at midnight, in select locations, for the truly committed)–we venture into the studio of Randall Lotowycz, author of DC Comics Super Heroes and Villains Fandex for a little Q&A, speed-round err…speeding bullet-style.

Recent book you loved/learned from

So you’re going to throw me some softball questions? I think I’ll be able to cut and paste these answers directly from my OkCupid profile. So let’s begin. Recent book: Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. I know I’m about six years late to the party, but, wow, that book was amazing and devastating, as well as infuriating in the best way possible. It’s a particularly wonderful thing when a book about people who (sorta spoiler alert) may not have souls can remind you that you still have one. You know your soul is there because it hurts so much after you’ve read the book.

Favorite bookstore

I’d never want to play favorites, but Harleysville Books in Harleysville, PA, did host a great little event for me, so perhaps I should go with them (yes, I’m susceptible to bribes). Given the reason I’m doing this Q&A, I should also point out comic book shops. My childhood store, J.C. Comics in North Plainfield, NJ, is a fantastic family-run shop. And though it’s no longer around in its original form, the Brooklyn Monster Factory in Park Slope, Brooklyn was one of the best kinds of comic stores around.

Hidden talent

It’s not modesty, I’ll tell you that. I’m fairly good at measuring time without a watch. I’m not reading the sun or anything, but I can usually give a pretty close estimate of the time without having to refer to my cell phone. And I have an impressive memory when it comes to the year a film was released. Test me.

Bookmark, dog-ear, or virtuality?

Dog-ear, all the way. I also like to underline favorite passages, and if I’m without a pen, I’ll scratch a line under the words with my fingernail. I don’t think that would be smart with an e-reader. But I still maintain that when all my favorite novels are available for download, I’ll pick one up, because it would be great to carry them all with me.

Book you are most ashamed never to have read

Where do I begin? Madame Bovary, Infinite Jest, Ulysses, Oliver Twist, Anna Karenina, Brideshead Revisited, What is the What. I can go on. Maybe I’ve spent too much time reading issues of the Legion of Super-Heroes. But for every traditional classic, I can cite some lesser known book that has left an indelible impression on me, so I’d like to think it all balances out.

Most frequent form of writerly procrastination

I’d say taking photos of myself with the laptop’s camera. It doesn’t require moving from the work I should be doing. I wouldn’t call myself vain, as I’m usually making weird and ugly contorted faces for the photos. It’s amusing and helps pass the time. Next to that, Facebook is probably the most frequent form of procrastination. And sometimes I upload those ugly photos.

Favorite childhood book

Very tough one, but I’m not going to give multiple titles. I’m confident in saying There’s a Boy in the Girls’ Bathroom by Louis Sachar. It has so much going on, and its impact on young me isn’t all that different than the impact of Never Let Me Go. It introduced me to emotions I hadn’t yet experienced and forced me to process them, shaping how I’d react when I did experience them in my own life.

Alternate ambition (i.e. If you weren’t a writer/sales director, you’d be…)

Oh, I’d want to be a small business owner. Number one choice would be to own a bar (those places seem recession proof). But I also entertain the thought of having a restaurant or some type of retail shop. I’d like my own niche in a community that would in turn foster others’ interest in the community. I know that sounds weird to say after claiming my first choice is a bar, but it’s the truth. And the right sort of bar can do a lot of good for people in the community.

Your perfect meal

Lamb vindaloo with garlic naan and ka-chori, followed by rice pudding for dessert. Just perfection. I particularly like ordering it from the same place multiple times and never having it be exactly the same twice. And I know it’s not Indian, but if you could throw some fried pickles in to start, I’d be in a state of bliss.

Big dream

I go back and forth between getting tattooed while skydiving and being punched in the face by a grizzly bear wearing a boxing glove. It’s going to be tough to make either of those happen, but you never know. Other than that, I’d like to create something that would affect someone the same way books like Never Let Me Go and There’s a Boy in the Girls’ Bathroom affected me. Who knows, maybe I’ve already written it and that person just hasn’t read it yet. But my dream is to create something of substance and worthy of praise, even if it’s just from one person.

Super power of choice

I’m going with invisibility, and not just for its seedier perks. Observation is powerful tool for an author, but as soon as you’re present to observe, your presence is already affecting the moment. To be invisible, to take yourself out of a moment, you can experience things you never would otherwise.

If you could leap into any single DC Comic book issue for a day, what would it be?

I’d want to leap into All-Star Superman #10 by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely. It’s one of my favorite single issues ever, capturing everything that makes Superman so great. The issue is inspiring, offering hope and encouragement to anyone who reads it. I could go on for pages and pages on this comic. Put as briefly as possible, this issue of Superman challenges readers to step back and see the great strength that is in each and everyone of us. We don’t need superpowers or to be from a distant planet in order to do good. We’re all strong enough to do good in our own way.

How many DC Comics characters do you have tattooed on your body?

Ha! Just two, Superman and Lois Lane in an airborne embrace. Though it lacks word balloons, it invokes the scene in Superman: The Movie, when Superman catches Lois and says, “Easy, miss, I’ve got you,” to which Lois replies, “You’ve got me? Who’s got you?!?”
I’ve considered a Green Lantern tattoo over the years, but never pulled the trigger. I love the character and the mythology in the stories, but I’ve never been able to narrow it down to one concrete image. I’ve also thought about a tattoo of the latest Robin, Damian Wayne, the illegimate son of Batman and Talia Al Ghul, the daughter of one of Batman’s greatest foes. Damian is a fairly new character, created in 2006, but he’s made a great impression. He was introduced as such an arrogant little brat, but has since grown into being an arrogant little hero. The image of him on the cover of Batman & Robin #1 perfectly captures his nature and I could see getting that image on my leg.

What Workman book would you like to receive as compensation for your involvement?

Well, it’s out of print and I think only one person in the office has a copy, but I’d really like Touch Me: The Poems of Suzanne Somers.  Yes, Workman published it and I want it. I’d also take a copy of True Grits: The Southern Foods Mail-Order Catalog.

So I guess that’s it! Thanks so much for having me on the blog!

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Randall Lotowycz, not to be confused with a bird or a plane,  is the author of DC Comics Super Heroes and Villains Fandex. He will be attending a midnight showing of Green Lantern.