The first time I saw When Parents Text, the hilarious website created by Sophia Fraioli and Lauren Kaelin, I reveled in their genius. I was also comforted; other parents were as hilarious as mine were! If my mother is not texting me to confirm I’ve made it home safe via Jersey Shore references, she’s sending me disjointed commentary on Boston sports teams, or better yet sending my die-hard, NY Yankees-loving husband disjointed commentary on Boston sports teams (but mostly also confirming with him that I’ve made it home safely). Her front-facing keyboard, I also recently found out, doesn’t have any punctuation keys on it. Which… let’s just say… explains a lot.
In anticipation of the launch of Sophia and Lauren’s book and in celebration of the launch of their new When Parents Text blog, we collected some of our own gems from around the office. Here’s a small peek into the incoming texts of Workman employees, who have no trouble at all exploiting our parents for sentimental or comical purposes. All names have been omitted to protect the embarrassed.
EVERYBODY WANTS A BOOK DEAL
MOM: Mr. B says you should write a book about him.
(Sent on Father’s Day)
MOM: I forgot to tell you that on Friday Mr. B left Dad a mouse head and a mouse tail in the garage!
MOM: where are you sitting? what color do you have on?
ME: Gray hoodie, light blue sweater. Chris is in brown hoodie.
MOM: so basically i should look for justin bieber look-alikes
OUT OF THE WILL
ME: Would it be too embarrassing if I submitted some of your texts to be published in a blog post tomorrow? It’s for the launch of the When Parents Text blog….
MOM: o-k, I guess…I can always dis-inherit you later. HAHA
BLESSED BE THY HYGIENIST
MOM: Are you going home now? Are you going to clean? Cook? Read?
ME: I am home… Must clean. And try to make food for the week. Pls send good cleaning vibes.
MOM: Ok I will. I will also pray to God that you will go online and make a dental appointment!
ME: I love you!
MOM: sorry. sleeping. drunk or you miss me?
ME: I’m not drunk at all!
MOM: oh sorry. but its nice to be appreciated
NO SUCH THING AS FREE LUNCH
ME: We’re leaving for Chipotle in 6 minutes.
DAD: Rad. On subway
DAD: Meet you when y’all finished with your burritos
DAD: Why aren’t credit services for everyone
DAD: Movie set. Food looked good. Not free for everyone
MOM: A friend is showing me how to send text messages.
ME: Whoa, this is weird…! It’s like hearing from your mom while you’re on a date!
MOM: Are u???
ME: And now you’re even using “u” for “you”? Mom, that’s cooldom!
ARE YOU SURE HE’S NOT THERE?
MOM: Is chris still away
ME: Yep. Comes back tomorrow around 4.
MOM: Did you look all around apartment
IS THIS HIPSTER?
MOM: we love you
MOM: Charlie & Luna [family dogs] love u 2. We are driving through Amherst now
MOM: Now we r almost at rte2. Maybe I am a texter. Is that kind of like a hipster?
ME: Ha, not at all
MOM: this is so exciting to get a text! Right now Charlie just stole a chew of luna’s so I had to give her another one!
PLEASE CONFIRM RECEIPT
DAD: Are you alive
ME: Yes!! Why wouldn’t I be?
DAD: You never answe my text yesterdays
TESTING 1, 2…
ME: You’re not sending anything.
ME: Hold on, I’ll call you.
NEVER FALL IN LOVE AT THE SHORE
MOM: are you at the shore yet?
ME: No, why? Do you have a message for J Woww?
MOM: i thought you were going there tonight snookers!
ME: Hahaha, we are, but later.
MOM: ok honey dont smoosh with any of your roommates
(Editor’s note: this conversation took place one month before my second wedding anniversary.)
MOM: I got a parking spot!
MOM: Are u coming for dinner tonite? On my way home from garage & will pick up a foodie if so
MOM: Meant to say a Goldie!
MOM: Geez, a GOODIE, this device has a mind of its own & needs to be rebuked
DAD WENT GOLFING, SO…
MOM: Omg got to stop watching rachel zoe just bought a sleeveless black dress nowhere to wear it its bananas
ME: Hahahaha, I love you! Best text message ever!
MOM: Thanks honey i only paid 51 down from 109 with coupon!
ME: Amazing! Is this a midlife fashion crisis?
MOM: Yes and dad went golfing