Q & A with Sophie Blackall, author of MISSED CONNECTIONS: Love, Lost & Found

Q: How do you choose which Missed Connections listings to illustrate?
A: I glean Missed Connections a few times a week, and it’s all about the subject line. I look for the lyrical, “Billowy Red Scarf Girl,” or the funny, “Hipster Chick Who Passed Gas” (pages 54–55), the unintentionally funny, “Looking for the Hot Girl in the Pink Dress,” ones that immediately suggest images, “Furry Arms in Morning Lecture” (pages 74–75), or the plain odd, “Seeking Girl Who Bit Me TWICE” (pages 112–113). I look for ambiguous messages to illustrate. I like some detail but not too much detail. I dismiss posts where one or other of the couple was wearing anything named by brand, or, you know, baseball caps or sweat pants, because I don’t like drawing them. On the other hand, I’m drawn to top hats, and spats, and moustaches. I haven’t read a Missed Connection yet with someone wearing a monocle but, rest assured, I’ll snap it up if I do.

After I’ve harvested a bunch of messages, I let them settle and see which images float to the surface. By the time I sit down to draw, the picture is almost fully formed in my head. The original messages seem, for the most part, brief and spontaneous and uninhibited and I want my drawings to mirror that…they shouldn’t feel labored.

Q: Have you ever been in touch with any of the people you have painted?
A: Yes! A couple of times. The woman with “Long Curly Brown Hair on the Q” (pages 24–25) saw my illustration and wrote to me, as did the “Floral Print Jacket on the L” (pages 36–37). The fellow who wrote the post about sharing a bear suit with a girl at a party (pages 20–21) e-mailed me, which was kind of thrilling. He sent a photo taken that night, and that was a dreamlike experience. But even though I’ve now seen the “real” bear suit, my image of it feels real to me, and his photo the interpretation. There’s arrogance for you!

Many people wrote claiming the girl with the “Scrabble Tattoo on Roof” (pages 96–97) was their dear friend and, fairly recently, one of those friends reconstructed and photographed the scene, based on my version of it, which was incredibly surreal.

This scene was also reconstructed in a Radar short film about my project.

So now there are four versions of this moment in time in existence: the real one, my painting, the film made with actors, and the photograph based on the painting with the real people from the original event. It’s hard to wrap my head around.

Q: Based on your observations, what type of people do you think post Missed Connections ads?
A: I haven’t done a scientific analysis of this by any means, but Missed Connections are popular with straight and gay men and women, mostly between 20 and 35. Men posting Missed Connections seem to outnumber women posting, roughly 70 to 30. Occasionally, older people post, often looking for old flames and lost loves. Most messages express the writer’s personal regret at not being bolder and for missing an opportunity. They’re written as a shot in the dark, a small missive filled with hope for a second chance. But many messages are just thanking a stranger for a kindness…I love those because I imagine everyone else reading them feels encouraged by these little examples of humanity and generosity and tenderness. There are also more than a few messages from lonely people wondering why they never find themselves described—I illustrated one, “How Come No-one Ever ‘Misses’ Me?” (pages 66–67). They kill me, those.

Q: Which illustrations in this book are your favorites and which, from your blog, do people seem to respond to the most?
A: “We Shared a Bear Suit” (pages 20–21) is a perennial favorite as is “Girl with the Golden Swan Bike” (pages 86–87) and “When I Put Your Coat Collar Up” (pages 114–115). There’s something especially romantic about that last one, but I think my all-time favorite is “We Shared a Bear Suit.” The two people in the image each have part of the bear; each is incomplete. They clearly belong together.

Q: Where do most Missed Connections seem to occur?
A: Missed Connections take place on street corners and elevators, in emergency rooms and dog runs, in line at the grocery store and at Laundromats. Basically everywhere human beings collide, but especially in places where we are forced to stay still a while. Waiting rooms and airport lounges and every form of public transport.

In New York City there are hundreds and hundreds of Missed Connections posted every day, and thousands more that go undocumented. A good many of these seem to happen on the subway, and a disproportionate number of those on the L train. Or perhaps the L train riders are just more likely to post and read Missed Connections. I once read a message which said, “I am going to change to the L train so I can have a Missed Connection too.”

Q: Missed Connections classifieds are abundant and widely followed, even by those who do not post them. Why do you think they are so popular?
A: Missed Connections are small glimpses into strangers’ lives. They are packed with mystery, pathos, beauty, and humor. I know it’s not a New York phenomenon, but somehow it seems the perfect product of this city— people seeking intimacy in a crowd. Sitting on the subway, I’m always wondering what’s going on inside people’s heads, and Missed Connections posts give me the opportunity to find out. There’s more than a little voyeurism going on. I’m sure other people are drawn to them for the same reasons, but I think on some subliminal level there’s a vague desire to recognize ourselves as the person “missed.” It’s nice to know that people are looking at each other so attentively and even tenderly, noticing and appreciating details. That we’re not just a swarm. I think most people find Missed Connections enormously hopeful and romantic.

Q: You moved to Brooklyn, New York, from Australia in 2000. Do you find that the popularity of Missed Connections classifieds and, perhaps, the accompanying cultural fixation with love at first sight is mostly an American thing or have you seen traces of it internationally?
A: I think it’s universal. There are Missed Connections equivalents in London newspapers and I have given interviews on the subject for Italian, Norwegian, Swedish, Brazilian, and Israeli magazines and newspapers, which would suggest the theme has global interest! And of course, the Missed Connection itself is not new. For centuries the lovelorn have carved messages in tree trunks and rolled letters into bottles and cast them out to sea.

Q: What has the experience of illustrating Missed Connections classifieds, and creating this book, taught you about the nature of love?
A: Love at first sight is almost entirely visual. In most cases we don’t even hear the other’s voice. I think there’s a lot to be said for this. We can fill in the blanks and create our own particular knight in shining armor. I’m not an idiot: In the long run, knowing someone intimately and caring for them deeply leaves love at first sight for dead. Clichéd as it is, it’s a wonderful thing to have someone you love bring you a cup of tea when you have a cold, or curl up with you to watch a film on a rainy night, or turn on the oven while you knead the dough. Some of us find that person early on; for the rest of us there’s the hope of a second chance. And that hope can linger a long, long time.

We have only one life, and we rush through it pretty quickly. We make choices and follow paths and we don’t linger too long at crossroads. Moments of intimacy with strangers are minor detours we rarely explore, but those moments make us feel alive, and human, and part of something greater than ourselves. They connect us to each other.

CONTACT:
Rebecca Carlisle, Senior Publicist
Workman Publishing
(212) 614-7596
rebecca@workman.com

10 FASCINATING FACTS FROM MARK KURLANSKY’S WORLD WITHOUT FISH
Coming in April 2011–click here to learn more

1. Scientists say that the number of large fish in the ocean has decreased by 90% over the past 50 years.

2. Mammals usually give birth to one to six babies. A bird will lay this many eggs. A fish will lay millions of eggs. For years, people assumed that this meant that fish have millions of babies. Only recently have scientists come to understand that a fish will usually have only one to six surviving babies, just like a mammal or a bird.

Coelecanth

3. There are about 20,000 known species of fish, though there may be many more we don’t know about. Occasionally, a new fish is discovered, as was the case with the coelacanth, a fish thought to have died out with the dinosaurs that turned up on the deck of a South African trawler in 1938. There may be fish that are disappearing without our ever knowing that they existed.

4. The Orange Roughy is a red deepwater fish that gets its name from the orange color it turns after it dies (the fact that it’s named for appearance when dead shows that few people have ever seen it alive). When Orange Roughy became a fashionable international menu item in the 1970s, it was not understood that this species was very different from the other fish we commonly eat. Today, scientists estimate that the Orange Roughy lives for 150 years, which is at least five times as long as the lifespan of most of the fish we know. The problem is that it grows very slowly and isn’t capable of producing offspring until it is twenty years old, making it particularly susceptible to overfishing. Because we didn’t realize this in the 1970s, the Orange Roughy became one of the world’s most threatened fish within decades of being discovered.

5. The Great Pacific Garbage Patch is the largest known concentration of floating trash in the world. Located in the north central Pacific Ocean (the area between Japan and the United States), the Patch is alternately estimated to be from one-eighth to twice the size of the United States. The patch is fed by debris from both land and ships. Ocean currents carry the garbage to a point where it becomes a fairly stable patch. Sometimes there are recognizable objects in the patch, such as a chair or a satellite dish, but it is mostly made up of plastics because, unlike organic debris, plastics can’t be readily absorbed by natural processes. Consequently, they are highly poisonous to fish and birds that eat them.

Patagonian Toothfish

6. There is no such thing as a true Chilean Sea Bass. The fish we know as the Chilean Sea Bass is actually a Patagonian Toothfish, which is not a bass at all, and, for that matter, not necessarily from Chile. Since a “Patagonian Toothfish” doesn’t sound very appetizing, the alternate name was created to market the fish internationally.

7. Today, fishing is still considered to be the most dangerous job in the world. Fishermen risk the highest percentage of death and injury—more than even firefighters or policemen.

8. Most farmed fish we eat today are fed wild fish that are caught by massive net draggers the size of factories. These net draggers indiscriminately scoop up wild fish by the thousands and grind them into fish meal, which is then pressed into fish pellets to feed the fish back on the farm.

9.     Ninety percent of the fishing people do is within 200 miles of land, and most of the proven fishing grounds of the planet are now under the exclusive control of a single nation or group of nations. Some of the most destructive fishing is done by wealthy countries off the coasts of poor ones.

10. Because they live in thick, overcrowded pens and swim much less than their wild cousins, some species of farmed fish no longer resemble their wild ancestors. Farmed striped bass are much smaller than wild striped bass, and have an entirely different shape to their pointy heads and short bodies. What’s more, since a fish pen lacks predators and is largely protected from storms and temperature changes, a farmed fish would probably not know how to survive in the wild. If a farmed fish mated with a wild fish, their offspring might also lack these survival skills. Consequently, even just a few escaped farm fish accidentally released into the wild could menace the survival of an entire wild population.

Winter is a punishing time for hair–indoor heating dries it out while wind and snow cause tangles and frizz. Consider going curly for the season with some help from Curly Girl–it could save you a bundle!

THE CULPRIT: Chemical Straightener

Requires an approximately 4 hour visit to the salon every 2-3 months (a similar timetable to coloring roots)

THE DAMAGE……………………………………………..$300-$700

THE CULPRIT: Blow-drying

Weekly 1-2 hour long visits to the salon

THE DAMAGE…………………………………………….. $45-$80 per visit

A high-quality hairdryer used daily for 30 minutes – 1 hour each time

THE DAMAGE……………………………………………..$35-$200

THE CULPRIT: Accessories

A flat iron for daily straightening (takes about 30 minutes to 1 hour each time)

THE DAMAGE……………………………………………..$85-$200

Round brushes for blow-drying and flat ironing

THE DAMAGE……………………………………………..$10-$30 per brush

THE CULPRIT: Restorative Treatments

Must-have conditioning treatments to counteract the effects of chemical straightening and daily blow-drying and flat ironing

THE DAMAGE……………………………………………..Approximately $60/month

Trims every 5-6 weeks to eliminate split ends and other damage caused by chemical straightening and daily blow-drying and flat ironing

THE DAMAGE……………………………………………..$35-$300

THE CULPRIT: Extensions and Weaves

Extensive straightening will, in time, lead to visual signs of damage to the hair, such as halted growth or even hair that begins to show signs of falling out. At this point, many women turn to hair extensions and weaves—which often take over 6 hours to apply—to make their hair appear fuller and healthier

THE DAMAGE……………………………………………..$1,000-$4,000

Synthetic clip-ins are a temporary, more inexpensive alternative to extensions and weaves, but they may fall out unexpectedly at inopportune moments

THE DAMAGE……………………………………………..$30-$100

THE ALTERNATIVE: Love What You’ve Got
The time and money-saving alternative is YOU embracing your natural hair. All you have to do is cleanse, moisturize, scrunch with gel, and then leave it alone! The Curly Girl Method says NO to hairbrushes, standard blow dryers, straightening, excessively frequent haircuts, weaves, and extensions. With CURLY GIRL: The Handbook, Lorraine Massey shows that wearing your hair the natural way is not just a trend—it’s a lifestyle.

What are the latest trends in knitting? How can amateur knitters take it to the next level? And most importantly, what do you bitch about when you stitch? Stitch ‘N Bitch author Debbie Stoller answers all these burning questions, and more!

Q:  Your new book is titled STITCH ’N BITCH SUPERSTAR KNITTING: Go Beyond the Basics, and it features a variety of different techniques, from lace-making to intarsia to beading and embroidery. Is this just for advanced knitters? How did you go about choosing the techniques?

A: The book is not so much for people who are advanced knitters as it is for people who want to become advanced knitters—the book is intended to help any knitter become a knitting superstar. So many people have taken up knitting in the past ten years, and lots of them are ready to move way beyond the scarf. The fact is that once you become comfortable with the two basic knit stitches—knit and purl—knitting plain sweaters and hats becomes really boring. You want to liven things up a bit—and it’s probably for this same reason that knitters of long ago invented things such as adding cable to their knitting, or doing all kinds of amazing things with color work, or even figuring out how to knit super-intricate lace. In the book I teach all of these techniques so that anyone can kick their knitting up a notch, whether they decide to try to learn all of these new skills or just a few. I chose the techniques that I felt were the most central to expanding your knitting abilities, and also included instructions on how to design your own patterns.

Q:  What inspired you to take up knitting in the first place?

A: This is quite a long story, actually, but basically, my mother is from Holland, and I come from a long line of Dutch knitters and needle workers. I learned all sorts of needle skills as a child—sewing, embroidery, everything—but knitting was the one thing I hated. As I grew older I kept trying to pick up knitting and kept hating it, and then there was a long period where I kind of had to keep my crafting in the closet, as it just wasn’t considered very cool or even feminist to do so. But in the late ’90s, I realized it was time to give value to the skills of our mothers and grandmothers, and we began printing craft projects in the feminist magazine that I edit, BUST. Then, when I had to go cross country on a book tour for a book that we wrote that was based on the magazine, I decided to do it by train. Afraid that I’d be bored sitting on a train for three days straight, I decided to take a sweater with me that I’d been struggling with for . . . oh, about five years. It was a very easy sweater, but I hated knitting so much I could only work on it for about half an hour before I’d get so frustrated I’d put it away again for a year or so. Anyway, on the train ride I took out that sweater and picked up my knitting needles, looked over a knitting book for children I had taken with me, and suddenly, everything clicked. The rhythm of the train and the rhythm of my needles—everything just felt right. By the time I got to the West Coast the sweater was done, and I was hooked.

Q:  Where do you see knitting going from here? Are there any new trends that we should look out for?

A: Right now lace knitting seems to be super-hot among knitters, and that comes on the heels, literally, of the previous trend, which was sock knitting. What will be the next trend among knitters? I don’t know. I’d like to see folks beginning to make nicely fitted sweaters in finer yarns, like they did in the old days. In fact, every new trend in knitting is really just a new generation discovering centuries-old techniques. I’m not sure there will ever be anything that’s truly new in knitting.

Q:  The thought of knitting anything beyond a scarf can be quite intimidating to some people. Can you offer some advice on how first-time knitters can get started and what beginners who have mastered the scarf can do to take the next step?

A: The main thing that any new knitter needs to know is that learning to knit takes time. You can’t expect to just learn the basic stitches and then finish up a scarf in an hour. It’s not just like gluing Popsicle sticks together. It’s a skill that takes time to learn—just like learning to play the guitar. You don’t go to your first guitar lesson and then cut a demo the next day. If you can have patience with yourself, and know that it is going to feel really awkward at first, but will eventually begin to feel more comfortable, that’s all you need. And as for taking your knitting to the next level, the same thing applies. Knitters who have felt completely comfortable with the yarn and needles in their hands may feel like they are back to square one when they try to knit with two colors of yarn at the same time. But that, too, becomes more comfortable with practice. Mostly, all knitters should know that there isn’t anything they can’t do if they are just patient enough with themselves to get through the awkwardness. It’s not like dancing, which maybe you have to have some sort of a talent for. It’s something that anyone can learn.

Q:  A diverse pool of talented people from all over the world contributed patterns to this book. How did you find them? Are there any states or countries that you have noticed knit more than others?

A: Well, obviously, in the states where it’s colder people tend to knit a bit more than in places where it’s warmer, simply because we have more opportunities to wear what we’ve created. And as for countries, right now there isn’t any country where knitting is as popular as it is in the United States. It’s been picking up over the years in the UK and Australia, there are lots of Stitch ’n Bitch groups in both of those places, and in Holland as well, but in other European countries it’s still seen as something that only grandmothers ought to do, and I don’t really know what it’s like in Asia, Africa, the Middle East, or in South America, although I do know that each of those regions also have a few active Stitch ’n Bitch groups going. There’s even an active Stitch ’n Bitch group in Dubai.

Q:  What do you bitch about when you stitch?

A: Well, it could be anything, really, from the latest celebrity gossip to current events to politics. But really, if there’s bitching going on, it’s most often about the stitching itself. For instance, if someone realizes they made a mistake a long time ago in their knitting and have to rip out an hour’s worth of work—there will be some bitching, I’ll tell you.

Workman recently celebrated the forthcoming revised and updated edition of Curly Girl: The Handbook with an event for beauty editors and producers at the Devachan salon in soho.

Co-author Lorraine Massey, who is also a co-owner of the salon and a co-creator of the DevaCurl product line, charmed the audience with her enthusiastic talk about the beauty of wearing your hair the natural way and her simple tips for achieving beautiful curls. Guests enjoyed curly hair makeovers and got a sneak peek at early bound galleys of the book.

Click here to flip through all the pictures

Available nationwide in January 2011, Curly Girl: The Handbook is the unrivaled bible for everything related to the care, management, and styling of curly hair. Not only is going naturally curly more cost-effective—imagine all the money saved through giving up chemical straightening, flat irons, blow-drying, extensions, wigs, and frequent salon appointments—but it’s also green because a key element of the Curly Girl Method involves forgoing traditional shampoos, which contain harsh, water-polluting sulfates.

Below is a guest post from the winner of a private baking lesson with Anne Byrn, Cathy Seiple, who won the trip and tutorial as part of a PARADE magazine sweepstakes.
Click here for even more photos from the trip!

My name is Cathy Seiple and I was the lucky winner of the “Winner Bakes the Cake Sweepstakes” featured in PARADE magazine. As the winner, I chose to take my husband, Bob, with me to Nashville, Tennessee to meet Anne Byrn, the author of the Cake Mix Doctor cookbooks. As we had never been to Tennessee, we were excited about my win.

We arrived at The Viking Store located at The Factory in Franklin, TN on Saturday, July 17, and were warmly greeted by Anne and her assistant, Diane, at the Cooking Studio kitchen. We also met the ever charming Rebecca Carlisle, from the Workman Publishing publicity department.

After introductions were complete, we donned our aprons and got to work. Anne had chosen three yummy cake recipes: (1) a Cinnamon Breakfast Bundt Cake which we drizzled with a simple glaze; (2) a Lemon Lover’s Layer Cake with Lemon Cream Cheese Frosting garnished with fresh blueberries and thin lemon slices; and (3) a Chocolate Chip Layer Cake covered with a Bittersweet Chocolate Ganache.

Over the years, I found that baking is a wonderful stress reliever for me. I have now learned that using cake mixes doctored with simple ingredients can be a quicker and less complicated way of achieving an attractive and rather tasty finished product. I was especially thrilled to pick up many simple garnishing ideas from Anne that will prove useful in my future baking projects. Anne is an easy person to work with so preparing and baking the recipes she chose was fun. Making the ganache was simple and I wondered why I had never attempted it before.

The highlight in the kitchen that afternoon was seeing Bob with an apron on, completing tasks that Anne asked him to help with, and enjoying himself. Of course, he could not wait to taste the finished products. He and I both favored the cinnamon cake which would be perfect at any time of day.

Meeting and baking with Anne, being able to benefit from her baking skills, combined with the camaraderie shared by all of us working in the kitchen that afternoon, proved to be a fun time and one that I will remember with fondness. So, a big THANK YOU to everyone involved. I feel fortunate to have won such a great prize.

I recently had the pleasure of going on a “business” trip to Nashville, TN to assist with a private baking lesson taught by the legendary Cake Mix Doctor Anne Byrn. I use quotations because, in reality, it was so much fun that it feels wrong to label it as purely business.

The recipients of the lesson, Cathy and Robert Seiple, won it as part of a PARADE magazine sweepstakes. We spent the afternoon baking and eating three mouthwatering cakes with Anne and her assistant, Diane (both of whom, I might add, have the most beautiful southern accents that make every word uttered sound ever so much more pleasant and polite than lowly New York chatter).

After witnessing firsthand just how easy it is to make Anne’s cakes – with such delicious, made from scratch results – I will put it in writing that I am a complete convert to her method.

With Anne’s new gluten-free book coming out soon, I’m fervently hoping that Workman will need to send an emissary back to Nashville for further dessert-related assistance. And, once that day comes, perhaps this blog post will serve as a not-so-subtle suggestion that I am the woman for the job!

For more photos, visit the Cake Mix Doctor Facebook page.

Rebecca Carlisle is a senior publicist