A guest post by Debbie Lazarus, author of Sh*t Happens: The Book, to cheer us up on this dreary day (I mean, unless, unlike me, you have a fat refund check coming to you). Could today turn out to be your best day ever?
Days like April 15th inspire books like Sh*t Happens.
Two cataclysmic events occurred on this date: President Lincoln died from an assassin’s bullet in 1865 and the “unsinkable” Titanic went down to the bottom of the Atlantic with nearly two thousand souls in 1912.
Plus, in the United States, April 15th is Tax Day–a day generally dreaded by all–if not for the forking over of one’s hard-earned cash, then for fear of having to fill out reams of confusing forms.
T.S. Eliot had already declared April to be the cruelest month. I was convinced that April 15th must be the cruelest day–that it was only a holiday for conspiracy theorists and James Cameron. Something BIG must have fallen from the sky at some point in today’s history (or at least some puny asteroid might have hit Wethersfield, Connecticut yet again*) or some appalling, if not fatal, occurrence would surely have ruined a performance of the Scottish Play.
Would further research reveal that April 15th was some sort of vortex of doom? Or not?
While stock market crashes do tend to happen in October, most bad things that befall us (whether natural or man-made) tend to be distributed throughout the year. April 15th turns out to be no worse than any other day. In fact, it might be better than most, given the number of events on this date that made the world an immeasurably better place.
Today could rightfully be celebrated as a “Day of Freedom” on which we were liberated from the debilitation of a major disease (insulin became available to the general public in 1923), bad grammar (Samuel Johnson’s A Dictionary of the English Language was published in 1755), prejudice (Jackie Robinson broke baseball’s color line when he debuted for the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1947), and man-made hells (Bergen-Belsen concentration camp was liberated by British troops in 1945). And America’s freedom from the British was completed when Congress ratified the articles of peace on April 15, 1783, bringing the Revolutionary War to an end.
Even on a mundane level, April 15th marks the anniversary of many things that keep bad sh*t from happening to all of us:
On April 15, 1738, the first bottle opener was invented, preserving the teeth of countless thirsty individuals for generations to come.
On April 15, 1878, Ivory Soap made its debut. Being clean rather than dirty is always good for preventing a lot of nasty sh*t, and because Ivory famously floated in water, it prevented millions from getting hollered at for leaving the soap to melt at the bottom of the tub.
On April 15, 1892, the General Electric Company was formed. Their inventions not only brought widespread illumination to homes and streets, preventing many unexpected falls after sunset, but eventually restored family harmony by ending the perpetual nightly struggle over who would have to hand-wash the dishes.
On April 15, 1924, Rand McNally published its first Road Atlas. It may not seem like much, but having a good map on a road trip prevents a lot of really bad sh*t from happening–divorce as a result of spousal reproaches that “you should have asked for directions back there!”, getting eaten by bears while answering nature’s call deep in the woods, and having to check into a wayward inn like the Bates Motel because it’s really dark, you’re really lost, and you really need to take a shower.
And there was no diabolical plot when April 15th was chosen as the deadline for tax filing. Although income taxes were levied to help pay for the Civil War, regular income tax did not become law until 1913, when the deadline was March 1st. The date was moved forward to March 15th in 1918 and April 15th in 1955. Why the delay? The IRS claimed it spread out the workload, but a later date allowed the government to hold onto all that refund money longer.
Here’s something else to keep in mind– although Lincoln died and the Titanic sank on the 15th, the bad sh*t that sealed their fates happened on April 14th, when Booth shot Lincoln and the Titanic struck the iceberg. But that’s a topic for another day.
And as far as those taxes and all those forms and all that dough you have to cough up are concerned, you can relax for a couple of days. The law stipulates that if April 15th falls on a Saturday, Sunday, or holiday, the deadline is the following business day. And since this year, Emancipation Day–the District of Columbia holiday marking the aforementioned, ill-fated president freeing the slaves of that municipality–is being observed today, Tax Day isn’t until Monday!
Have a nice weekend.
*See Sh*t Happens, page 90.
–Debbie Lazarus, author of Sh*t Happens: The Book
In honor of today’s holiday (eh?)–that’s right, Canada Day!–we’ve assembled a small gaggle of geese for your viewing pleasure. Oh, and they happen to be courtesy of our very own Matthew Diffee, New Yorker cartoonist and editor of the forthcoming The Best of the Rejection Collection. One of these cartoons made it into the New Yorker, but the other, having been rejected, will be featured in the book, branded with the “Too Difficult to Get” stamp (although we think it’s pretty darn hilarious…). So, happy Canada Day to you!
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