“Poetry, like love, is something we never truly say goodbye to.”

-Robert Browning

I just made that quote up, but I’m sure Bobby Browning would agree. National Poetry Month may be officially over, but our appreciation for poetry cannot be curbed because of a silly date on a calendar. To extend your poetry fix, check out this fantastic GalleyCat interview with The Anthology of Really Important Modern Poetry authors Kathryn & Ross Petras.

We at the Workman Blog love to celebrate writers of all kinds, but particularly those with vibrant, eccentric lives outside of their literary pursuits. So when it came time to write a blog post in celebration of National Poetry Month (it’s April!), we knew there was only one place to turn for poets whose first calling isn’t necessarily words: celebrities.

The Anthology of Really Important Modern Poetry is just that: a collection of “poems” by some of the preeminent public speakers of our day, from Charlie Sheen to Sarah Palin and everyone in between. Below, some choice examples of brilliant verse…by people who really should learn to think before they speak.

 ”After Winning an Oscar for the Film Titanic,” by James Cameron

This is for a real event that happened when real people died
and shocked the world in 1912 and I’d like…
to do a few seconds of silence
in remembrance of 1,500 men, women and children who died.
You really made this a night to remember in every way.
Now let’s party ’til dawn!

“My Recipe for Raising Kids,” by Ivana Trump

My recipe for raising kids:
I encourage my children to try new things.

As much as I tell them they can do anything,
I don’t want them to engage in pastimes that have no future.

xxxxxThe other day, Ivanka came to me and said
xxxxxshe wanted to enroll one afternoon in field hockey.
xxxxxI said,
xxxxx“Ivanka, that’s a boy’s sport. There’s no future in it for you.”

If Ivanka wanted to do karate, fine.
Field hockey she doesn’t need.
Golf, I think, is a perfect sport, but fencing? I’d say,
xxxxx“Kid, don’t waste your time.”

Ice skating is great exercise and it’s social.
xxxxxYou won’t get many phone calls to play field hockey,
xxxxxbut ice skating you can do in New York
xxxxxat the beautiful Wollman Rink in Central Park
xxxxxwhich their father and I rebuilt during our marriage.

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The Anthology of Really Important Modern Poetry was curated by Kathryn and Ross Petras and is on sale now. Visit the Petrases at their website, Stupidest.com, and follow them on Twitter @TeamStupidest.

Although schools started class weeks ago, this recent bout of fall weather has only now got me thinking about back-to-school time. “Don’t you love New York in the fall?” Tom Hanks says in the movie You’ve Got Mail, “It makes me want to buy school supplies.” I can relate. But besides a freshly sharpened bouquet of pencils,  back-to-school season reminds me of coming home from the first day of school with a stack of text books. Complements of Workman’s latest release, The Stupidest Things Ever Said: Book of All-Time Stupidest Top 10 Lists, here are a few books that likely won’t show up on your fall syllabus:

The Top 10 Stupidest Actual Book Titles

1. A Toddler’s Guide to the Rubber Industry

2. Constipation and Our Civilization

3. Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers

4. The Secret of Sphincters

5. A Pictorial Book of Tongue Coating

6. Life and Laughter ’midst the Cannibals

7. Be Bold with Bananas

8. Hand-Grenade Throwing as a College Sport

9. Collecting Fungi on Stamps

10. A Study of Hospital Waiting Lists in Cardiff, 1953 – 1954.

From a giant wall of oversize book dummies at the Workman booth at BEA….

…to real-life, actual page-flippin’, hold-in-your-hand books! It’s fall, which means that we’re starting to see the fruits of our summer labor parade their way from printing houses to warehouses to bookstores to READERS! (Yes, after all these years in the book business we still get giddy over the prospect.)

When Parents Text, Bananagrams On-the-Go!, the Book of All-Time Stupidest Top 10 Lists, and 10-Minute Crossword Puzzles have already made appearances in our offices, and The Best of the Rejection Collection, The Big Book of Visual Sudoku, Missed Connections, How to Feed a Hungry Giant, and even advance copies of Embroider Everything Workshop are due to land this month! It’s enough to make me start thinking about Christmas shopping…

It can be scary out there for a grad. The job front is ominous, you haven’t figured out how to answer the ubiquitous question, “What are you going to do with that degree?,” and what… you’re moving back in with your parents?! Advice from graduation ceremonies can sometimes miss the mark, so don’t worry–Kathryn and Ross Petras have curated some of the best, in quote form. Here’s a selection from their book “Dance First. Think Later.”–sure to set any grad on the path to success.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” –Ian Maclaren

“If people don’t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you’re doing something wrong.” –John Gierach

“Don’t let other people tell you what you want.” –Pat Riley

“When a door is hard to open, and if nothing else works, sometimes you just have to rear back and kick it open.” –Muriel Siebert

“Whatever you are, be a good one.” –Abraham Lincoln

“Don’t anticipate life; meet it. When you try to anticipate, you’re being an idiot, because nobody’s got the brain to outwit nature. I’m talking here about patience, about believing in yourself.  I’m talking here about having the courage to wait.  You’ll get what you deserve.” –Rod Steiger

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” –Elbert G. Hubbard

“Don’t try to go too fast. Learn your job. Don’t ever talk until you know what you’re talking about.” –Sam Rayburn

“Never turn your back on a friend.” –Alfred Hitchcock

“Trust that little voice in your head that says, ‘Wouldn’t it be interesting if…’ And then do it.” –Duane Michals

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” –Epictetus

Welcome to Inside the Author’s Studio, where we give you a peek into the minds of your favorite Workman authors.

Today we hang out with Kathryn and Ross Petras, the hilarious sister-and-brother team behind tons of calendars and books, including The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Calendar.

Recent book you loved/learned from:
Ross: Tintin au Tibet, etc.—I’m enjoying rereading all my childhood books in French, and am learning how to  sound like a boy reporter in French.
Kathryn: I’m rereading John D. MacDonald’s (slightly cheesy!) Travis McGee corpus.  Have learned how to be a good beach bum circa the early ’60s.

Favorite bookstore:
Ross: Strand Bookstore—mounds of cheap books!
Kathryn: None.  Although I am often dragged to Strand by Ross.

Hidden talent:
We’re going to say each others hidden talents: Kathy is an amazing baker—her low-sugar fruit pies are truly unbelievable and should be declared national treasures.  Ross has an enviable knack for making up hysterical yet childish limericks–let’s just say Mozart comes to mind.  Why?  Don’t ask.

Bookmark, dog-ear, or virtuality?:
Ross: Dog-ear
Kathryn: Bookmark (always a free Strand bookmark!)

Book you are most ashamed never to have read:
Ross: I love the classics but have never finished the Odyssey. I’m not really ashamed of that, though—it’s just that I want it to be alive; the  parts I read are my favorites in literature, and somehow I feel if I finish it won’t be alive.  (I’ve seen the end in film, though.)
Kathryn: So many including a lot of Shakespeare, a smattering of Dickens, Jane Austen, etc.  And I have a horrible talent for sounding like I’ve read all the biggies, even though I haven’t.  (Don’t tell anyone.)

Most frequent form of writerly procrastination:
Ross: Go to a book store to buy a book, or look online to buy a book.
Kathryn: Anything and everything.  I’ll be at the computer and suddenly have a burning desire, nay, a NEED to prune my herbs.  Or cut my fingernails.  Or dust something.  Anything to get away from writing.

Favorite childhood book:
We’re ashamed to admit it but it would have to be British children’s author Enid Blyton’s books—including all of the Five Find-Outers series, the Adventure series (we especially loved River of Adventure),  the Adventurous Four, the ones with Prince Paul and Nora… etc.

Alternate ambition (i.e. If you weren’t a writer, you’d be…):
Ross: An expert philologist of ancient papyri  who gets to go on archeological digs to translate new documents as they’re discovered.
Kathryn: The second banana (the funny friend of the cute leading lady) on a sitcom.

Your perfect meal:
Ross: Oysters at this great French bistro.
Kathryn: Lamb in some form.

Big dream:
Winning Megamillions.   But recently we’ve been debating if it actually would be easier to win, say, 10 million instead of 100 million—avoiding the problems of whom to donate to, etc.  It is a dilemma.

Super power of choice:
Ross: Super Mind like Doctor Strange.
Kathryn: Flying.

You have a rawther unique working process. Please describe.
We’re like twins; usually we finish each other’s thoughts; so when we talk it sounds like code; we either sit next to each other on the computer or sit and talk via Skype; we have childish brother and sister arguments that ultimately end up with each of us switching to the other side (which, of course, spawns yet another debate…). We have a lot of fun!

Who’s funnier, Kathryn or Ross?
Take the fifth.

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Kathryn and Ross Petras are the authors of numerous books, including, most recently, Dance First, Think Later, a book of inspirational (and not stupid!) quotes. You can follow them on Twitter @TeamStupidest, and visit their website Stupidest.com.